I made a resolution 5 seconds ago. Yes it was very last minute, but it was emotionally induced... and those are the best kind. For the new year, this new year I decided I'd be more real and honest to myself and to others. What does that honesty look like you ask? Well I guess it looks something like this...
Have you ever been to the point where you can't eat because a boy never called? I'm in that place tonight. Not to say that I'm in love with this certain male specimen, but might I have fallen for him eventually? Yes ...well maybe. It's strange because right now I'm staring at a full bowl of vegi/noodle soup. I've got Ritz crackers waiting on the sidelines for their turn for a dunk and am feeling absolutely no interest in the salty savory combo in front of me. This is strange in itself because I love food, (that's a post for later) but when I get down to the nuts and bolts of it all I know for sure that it's those damn boy troubles that stole my appetite. I'm a life bread "cereal single" kind of girl so I should be used to the lonely/freedom filled lifstyle I lead, but for some strange reason I just can't get over my obsession with love.
Now let's clarify the kind of love I'm talking about here. Not real love of course! I mean God only knows what that really is. I should probably be saying "romance" or "infatuation" or that goofy kind of love you see in movies and pretend celebrities are in when you read Star magazine in the hairsalon. Is that my problem? [defensive] Wait, I don't have a problem... you have a problem!!! [/defensive] That must be my problem. My idea of love is not realistic. It's never ending and sweeps over your soul like the smell of a warm cupcake coming out of the oven. You pinch them out of their heated tins delicately so they can cool (oh look a cupcake based metaphor on dating!) and then proceed to improve each other (you and the cupcake do...still with me?) while you cover it with yummy frosting and delicate sprinkles. It improving you of course with it's cute look, charm and well...there's that whole filling you with nutrients part. Mmm cupcakes.
It's an adorable tale, but let's be real here... in my reality I would have burned my hand while bringing out said cupcakes, spilling them on the floor (upside down of course) and eventually start a completely new batch with some other ingredients. (i.e. new boy, new dates, new cupcake)
I'm not saying I feel doomed by the trial and error process, or that my heart will never find the love I want because of the inflation of the look of perfect love by movies and the media. What I'm trying to share here is that I am honestly in love with love and I don't care if it's an unrealistic form of "love" or if the emotion in general doesn't even exist. All I know for sure is that I'm hopeful, pretty happy (which is the most I can ask for in this world) and that one day (maybe tomorrow or maybe the day before I die) I will find something or someone that fits the image of love and like that I see in my head.
With that said , I think I'll eat that soup now.